Questions to ask your kids, by age
“How was your day?” “Fine.” Big, open questions rarely work with small children. Small, specific, slightly odd questions do, especially when you ask at the right moment: in the bath, on the walk home, when the lights go off. Here are questions that tend to get real answers, grouped by age.
Ages are rough. Use whatever fits your child; there are no wrong answers and nothing to score.
Ages 2 to 3: point at the world
Ask about what’s right in front of them. Short questions, one at a time.
- Looking out the window before bed: “Where does the sun go at night?”
- Watching the rain: “Where does rain come from?”
- When their stomach rumbles: “What’s your tummy saying?”
- When they clomp around in your shoes: “Where are you going?”
- Looking at their drawing: “What’s this one?”
- Holding a favorite toy: “What’s its name? What does it like?”
(a puddle drying up) “The puddle went home.”
Ages 3 to 4: ask for their theory
Around three, many children start asking “why” themselves. Turn it around and ask what they think.
- In the car at night: “Why do you think the moon follows us?”
- At breakfast: “What was in your dream?”
- Watching ants: “What’s inside the ants’ house?”
- After the snow melts: “Where did the snowman go?”
- When they ask “why?”: “Why do you think?”
- “What do grown-ups do after you fall asleep?”
“Eat the treats. The ones up high.”
Ages 4 to 6: stories, plans, and big ideas
Older preschoolers can tell you about their day, invent things, and argue a position. Give them room.
- After time apart: “What do you think I did while you were away?”
- “What do you think your name means?”
- “Can you make up a riddle for me?”
- After a wobbly tooth: “Where do teeth go after they fall out?”
- After an outing: “What was the funniest bit?”
- “If we got a surprise present, what would you pick?”
- Naming something new: “What should we call it?”
“What’s orange and says moo? A orange cow.”
Tips that help
- Pick the moment. Side by side works better than face to face: in the car, cooking, walking.
- One question, then listen. Don’t correct the facts. The wrong answer is usually the one worth keeping.
- Write it down the same day, word for word, with their age. Answers that seem unforgettable are gone in a month.
- Ask again next year. The same question at three and at five gives you two very different children. Try a birthday interview.
Daysake sends one question a week, picked for your child’s age, and keeps the answer word for word with the date and age.